At A Loss
by m47e47l
Summary: An undercover mission turns personal for Sydney and Vaughn when they have to confront not only a new enemy but the demons surrounding their own relationship. Set early season 4. COMPLETE.
1. A New Assignment

**A/N: **I really love reading fanfics which have Sydney and Vaughn posing as married couples, and I absolutely loved the episode Welcome to Liberty Village. So I wanted to do the married alias thing, but put a little twist into it. I hope that you all enjoy it.

**Summary: **An undercover mission for Sydney and Vaughn turns personal when they have to confront not only a new enemy but the demons surrounding their own relationship. Set early season four.

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**Chapter One:  
A New Assignment**

Sydney stopped and took one last look in the mirror. Everything appeared to look respectable and so she grabbed her jacket off her bed and headed out of the room. Nadia was already up and sitting at the kitchen bench, with a coffee and the daily newspaper in front of her.

"Morning," Sydney said.

"Hey," Nadia looked up from the paper. She pointed to her mug. "I just made a fresh pot if you want one."

"Thanks." Sydney headed over to the kitchen. "Did you want a lift into work?"

Nadia nodded. "That would be great," she said, flipping a page of the paper. "So, what did you and Vaughn end up doing last night?"

"We just hit the movies," Sydney replied, sitting down next to her sister. "And then we called it an early night."

Even to her own ears that sounded boring, but she knew that she and Vaughn were doing the right thing, taking things slow. Sure, there had been a slight relapse with that plan, but Sydney was sticking to guns. They had been through a lot, and she wasn't sure if she was willing to open herself up completely at this point.

"Oh, ok." Nadia stood. "I'm just going to get my bag. I'm ready to go when you are."

* * *

When Sydney and Nadia arrived at APO, they both headed towards their own desks. Dumping her bag, Sydney unshouldered her jacket and was about to sit down when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she found herself looking into the familiar green eyes of Michael Vaughn. 

"Hey," she smiled. "How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Not bad."

"Hey Syd, Vaughn." Weiss came barrelling up to them. "Sloane wants us in the conference room. Apparently there's a bad guy out there and we need to catch them."

"Surprise, surprise," Vaughn said. "I wonder what they have got for us today?"

* * *

"Karl and Eva Basra," Sloane said as a picture of a couple flashed up on the screen behind him. "Both born from a long line of career criminals. After marrying young, they decided to keep up the tradition. They started in the small time, but have worked their way up, proving to be extremely sophisticated in their chosen fields." 

"What exactly is it that they do?" Sydney asked.

"They are believed to be the heads of an anonymous crime syndicate, which has established an international arms dealing ring. As well as that, they specialise in contract killings and helping those who need help 'disappearing' from the law. They change their identities, get them out of the country- for a considerable fee, of course."

"Why is this coming to us?" Vaughn asked. "Why can't the CIA take this on themselves? Why do they need black ops- these two sound like any other bad guy out there."

"They may sound that way, but if the rumours circulate are correct- that their organization is expanding at an extraordinary rate, then we have to consider them a real threat. We believe that at least three people on the CIA's most wanted list have been 'disappeared' by the two." Sloane paused. "And due to the nature of the assignment Chase believed that it would suit APO."

"You sending somebody in deep cover?" Weiss questioned.

Sloane nodded and then turned to Sydney, giving her a smile, which made her stomach churn. It repulsed her that he was standing before them, giving orders. He deserved to be behind bars, or even worse.

"What?" she asked him.

"Congratulations Sydney and Vaughn," Sloane placed a folder in front of each of them. "You just got married."

Sydney glanced at Vaughn, before opening her folder. "What are you talking about?"

Sloane pressed another button and the image of Karl and Eva was replaced by one of several rustic looking cabins, surrounded by trees. A glistening lake could be seen in the background.

"This is Perdita Place."

"That's where we are going?" Vaughn asked.

"Yes."

"It looks like a camp ground," Sydney commented.

"Almost," Sloane replied, "but not quite. It's a retreat, for couple's whose marriages are in trouble."

Sydney coughed. "Excuse me?"

"It's a place where couple's go to salvage their relationship, to rekindle whatever brought them together in the first place. There's counselling, activities designed to create trust…things like that," Sloane explained. "You and Vaughn will be one of the couples."

Sydney stared at him. She could not believe this. She and Vaughn were working at re-establishing their own relationship and here they were, being sent to the place where couples made a pit stop before calling it quits.

"But why?" Vaughn was asking. "What does a marriage retreat have to do with the Basra's?"

"Because Perdita's is the central cover establishment for their organization."

Weiss let out a snort of laughter. "A marriage retreat?"

"Yes. It's probable that some of the staff are members of the criminal syndicate."

"But why a place like that?" Sydney asked feeling completely baffled.

"Who would ever suspect a marriage retreat as being a cover for criminal activities?"

"Well, why are we suspecting it?" Sydney pressed.

"Because somebody within the Basra's organization has leaked the info," Sloane replied. "Now, you and Vaughn—"

"Hang on a second," Sydney cut him off. "We're going in as civilians, right?" Sloane nodded. "So people, regular people, actually go to this place for help? How do these crooks keep up the pretence of being counsellors?"

"Eva Basra has a Masters in Psychology. She would be able to arm them with whatever they need."

"Ok then, we know how," Vaughn said. "But surely a running a business like that would distract from what they really want to do. I just don't get it."

Sloane shrugged. "Again, who would ever suspect a place like that? It's reclusive, quiet- if the whistle blower hadn't have spoken, we would have never even become aware of its existence. It is a perfect cover," he said. "And from the financial records that Marshall pulled, it is an incredibly lucrative business. People are willing to pay up big to salvage their relationship. So, for the Basra's, it is a nice way to fund their true organization."

"This is crazy," Sydney muttered."

"Not really," Sloane said. "Think of some of the other situations that you have been placed in. a criminal group posing as a marriage retreat is nothing."

Sydney did not reply, and instead looked at Vaughn. He gave her a small shrug and she sighed. She and Vaughn, at a marriage retreat? Sloane was wrong. She had been in some wild situations before, but this was definitely one of the craziest.

"So, what is our mission?" Vaughn asked, his voice interrupting Sydney's thoughts.

"To begin, simple reconnaissance. Gathering any information you can. Specking out the retreat, background on employees- anything. Also, we do not know who the whistle blower is. Try and identify them if you can. Then, if it becomes viable, we will move in and take Karl and Eva into custody," Sloane said and then pointed to the folders in front of them. "Your aliases are in there. Marshall is waiting in Op-Tech to supply you with the necessary equipment. Wheels are up in one hour."

* * *

Sydney averted her gaze from out the window and looked at her watch. They hadn't been in the air for all that long, but some reason it like forever. This mission, she wasn't exactly looking forward to it. 

"So," Vaughn spoke up from beside her. "I guess we need to come up with some reasons why we're going to Perdita's."

Sydney gave him a small smile. "How about…you always hog the remote?"

Vaughn grinned. "And I always leave the toilet seat up?"

"Yeah, and you snore."

"Why is this all on me…how about you never pick up after yourself?"

"Hmm, and I never put petrol in the car. I always run it empty."

Vaughn chuckled. "Well isn't that just a picture of domestic bliss that we have created?"

"Just a bit."

"But, we still need to do this seriously. We can't just show up and have no reason for being there."

Sydney paused, a pensive look on her face. "What about a children issue. You don't want to have kids?"

Vaughn nodded. "I can work with that."

"And I can play the role of the workaholic spouse…to a tee. It's not that far from the truth anyway."

"Right," Vaughn smiled. "We are on a role. What other dramas can we cram into this relationship before we land?"

* * *

"This is so weird," Sydney muttered as she and Vaughn climbed out of the car. Perdita's looked incredible. It was beautiful and tranquil, and she could not comprehend what was really going on under the surface. 

"Tell me about it," Vaughn replied grabbing their bags out of the boot and then stopping to glance around. "Maybe we have been grossly misinformed about this place."

Sydney grimaced. "I wish."

"Hmm…so, you ready?"

Sydney nodded as the two of them headed towards the administration cabin. Sydney Bristow and Michael Vaughn were about to become distant memories, replaced by a married couple on the brink of collapse.

This was going to be interesting.


	2. Welcome to Perdita Place

**Disclaimer: **I forgot to put this in the opening chapter. I do not own Alias (which is so, so unfortunate...)

Thank you all so much for your feedback. It was amazing to see how well this fic has been recieved..

**RoutineRiot: **Yup, you guessed it. I do already have most of this written.

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**Chapter Two:  
Welcome to Perdita Place**

_"This is so weird," Sydney muttered as she and Vaughn climbed out of the car. Perdita's looked incredible. It was beautiful and tranquil, and she could not comprehend what was really going on under the surface._

"_Tell me about it," Vaughn replied grabbing their bags out of the boot and then stopping to glance around. "Maybe we have been grossly misinformed about this place."_

_Sydney grimaced. "I wish."_

"_Hmm…so, you ready?"_

_Sydney nodded as the two of them headed towards the administration cabin. Sydney Bristow and Michael Vaughn were about to become distant memories, replaced by a married couple on the brink of collapse._

_This was going to be interesting.

* * *

_

As they approached the door, Sydney felt a hand on the small of her back. "Vaughn!" she hissed, stepping aside.

"What…oh, right." He gave her a quick sheepish smile. "Sorry."

"Yeah, well we are going to have to be really careful about that stuff. We're not supposed to be a loving, affectionate couple here."

"I know, I know, I know…" Vaughn trailed off as he pushed open the door and turned to face Sydney. "And again, I am sorry."

Over Vaughn's shoulder, Sydney caught a glimpse at the receptionist. May as well play this up. "Yeah, well so you should be," she snapped.

A brief look of surprise crossed Vaughn's face, before recognition dawned. "Could we leave this for another time, _honey_?" he asked, his voice low.

"Fine," Sydney huffed and then looked at the receptionist, plastering a big smile on her face. "Hello."

"Hi," she replied.

"We're Sam and Holly Robertson," Vaughn said, stepping up to the desk.

"Ok," she pressed a few keys on the keyboard in front of her. "Right, here you are. Excuse me for just a second." She picked up the phone and pressed one of the connections. "The Robertson's are here…ok, thanks." Hanging up, she looked at Sydney and Vaughn. "One of the hosts will be here soon to show you to your cabin." She gestured to a nearby set of couches. "If you would like to take a seat…"

Sydney and Vaughn nodded and then headed over and sat down. Crossing her ankles, Sydney exhaled deeply and looked at Vaughn. He simply raised his eyebrows.

"Holly, Sam."

Both Sydney and Vaughn stood up as a tall and fairly young guy walked up to the two of them.

"Hi, I'm Clay. Welcome to Perdita Place." He offered out his hand which both of them accepted. "Now, if you would just follow me, I'll show you to your accommodation."

Sydney and Vaughn glanced at each other before grabbing their bags. There was no turning back now.

* * *

"Ok," Clay pushed open the cabin door. "Here you go. Home sweet home." 

Sydney and Vaughn stepped inside, looking around. It was an open plan, and for a cabin was pretty spacious. To one side was a queen size bed; on the other was a lounge area, with a couch and some arm chairs scattered around a fireplace. Towards the back was a small kitchenette and a door, which they guessed, lead to a bathroom.

"Ok, you've just missed lunch," Clay was saying, "but if you're hungry I'm sure that we could get the kitchen to rustle something up."

"Uh, no thanks. We're fine." Vaughn said and Sydney nodded in agreement.

"Right. Well, we give couples their first day to adjust to everything. No scheduled activities. Just familiarize yourself with the retreat, the grounds and the people here. Will you be ok to do that alone, or do you need me to organize a guide?"

"We should be ok," Sydney said.

Clay nodded. "We'll have a timetable ready for the two of you by tonight. If there is any issue with any of the activities, please do not hesitate to let somebody know. We at Perdita's are here to accommodate you, not vice versa." He paused, clearing his throat. "Um, dinner is served at 8.00pm and I think that's it from me. Do you have any questions?"

Both Sydney and Vaughn shook their heads.

"Ok well, I guess I'll be seeing the two of you around."

As Clay walked away, Vaughn closed the door behind him and then turned to face Sydney. "So…"

"This is completely surreal!" Sydney let out. "The guy was talking about lunch and all I could wonder was if he had ever carried out a hit on somebody!"

A smile formed on Vaughn's face. "And that's the way that things are going to be from now on."

Sydney nodded. "Our true reason for being here, combined with Sam and Holly's…I wouldn't be surprised if those back at APO created this mission simply to drive us insane."

"Well," Vaughn said in a mock serious tone, "we just need to remember to take out frustrations out on each other- in public, anyway."

"Hey Vaughn," Sydney said as she sidled up to him.

"What?" he asked warily.

"I think that it would be really beneficial to our cause, make our aliases realistic if I threw a punch at you one night." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you think?"

Vaughn let out a soft chuckle. "Let Sam think about that one, Holly."

* * *

After unpacking their luggage, Sydney and Vaughn stepped out of the cabin to take themselves on a tour of the retreat. Taking their time they slowly strolled the grounds, mindful to keep space between them. 

"It's a shame really," Sydney commented, looking out at the lake that appeared to be sparkling under the suns reflection.

"What is?" Vaughn asked.

"That a place as beautiful as this is being used for such a depressing reason…people who come here should be able to enjoy it." She sighed. "A bit hard, giving the premise of Perdita's."

"Hmm…" Vaughn ran a hand through his hair. "Being here really makes you appreciate what we have doesn't it."

Sydney did not get a chance to reply. From behind them came the sound of footsteps. Turning, they came face to face with a middle-aged couple, both looking a little flushed.

"Darren, I told you—" the woman cut off when she spotted Sydney and Vaughn. "Oh, hello. I didn't realize another couple had been scheduled for the walk."

"Oh, we haven't." Sydney replied. "We just got here, so we're giving ourselves a bit of a tour."

"Ok. I'm Tess," she said. "And this is Darren." The man beside her gave a small wave.

"I'm Sam," Vaughn spoke up, "and this is Holly."

"Nice to meet you," Sydney added. "How long have you been here?"

"A few days," Darren replied.

"Oh…" Sydney searched for something else to say. She couldn't exactly as them if they had been enjoying their stay, could she? "So…what is this walk you're on?"

"It's just one of the activities they'll force you to do," Tess explained. "Personally, I don't see how walking around is supposed to help. Apparently, it's for bonding or something like that."

Vaughn glanced at Sydney out of the corner of his eye. "Well, we should probably leave you to it," he suggested.

"Yeah," Tess sighed, sounding less than impressed with the idea. "But I'm sure that we'll be seeing you around."

"Yeah," Sydney said. "I'm sure."

* * *

After dinner that night, Sydney and Vaughn opted to return to their cabin. When they got there, a white envelope was waiting for them on the doorstep. 

"Oh goody," Sydney said dryly. "It must be our schedule for tomorrow."

"Hmm," Vaughn bent down and picked it up as Sydney opened the door. "I wonder if we get to go on the walk?"

"Have a look."

He ripped open the envelope and scanned the piece of paper for a few seconds. "Um, we've got a morning group counselling session—"

"Group counselling?" Sydney broke in sounding alarmed. "We have to sit in a group and discuss our so-called problems?"

Vaughn nodded. "What's the big deal? It's not as if we've never improvised anything before."

Sydney shrugged. "I don't know…it'll be kind of awkward, don't you think?"

"Maybe," Vaughn said and then looked back at the paper. "In the afternoon we've got martial arts." He let out a soft chuckle. "What do I get the feeling that could get really out of hand at a place like this?"

Sydney grinned at that comment. "Is that all we have to do?"

"Yup. Looks like we're going to have a bit of free time on our hands- which will be nice and handy."

"Speaking of which," Sydney said. "I'm going out for a jog. Check out the place again. Things look different at night."

Vaughn nodded. "Ok. I'll call Weiss; let him know what we know…which is nothing. But hey, we have to update."

"Just do the whole 'wish you were here' think," Sydney grinned. "On how beautiful Perdita's is."

Vaughn gave a soft laugh. "I was thinking this afternoon, do you think that whoever named this place knows what it means?"

Sydney shrugged. "It's probably the Basra's idea of a sick jock," she said, opening the door. "Now, I'm off. See you when I get back."

* * *

"See anything?" Vaughn asked when Sydney returned an hour or so later. 

She shook her head. "I did notice a blocked off path behind the administration building. Something tells me that if we get a chance we should check it out." She cut off, breaking into a large yawn. "Oh, excuse me," she let out a small laugh.

"Bed time?"

She nodded. "I think so. I'm just going to have a shower…and we should probably have a quick brush up on Sam and Holly. Today was easy, tomorrow, I'm not so sure."


	3. Uneasy Empathy

Thank you for your feedback.

**Routine Riot: **Perdita means 'loss' in Italian. That was one of my reasons for choosing it, as it fit in with the theme of the story. The other reason was that it is actually the name of my cat, and I thoughtthat I would give her some recognition that way.

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**Chapter Three:  
Uneasy Empathy**

"_See anything?" Vaughn asked when Sydney returned an hour or so later. _

_She shook her head. "I did notice a blocked off path behind the administration building. Something tells me that if we get a chance we should check it out." She cut off, breaking into a large yawn. "Oh, excuse me," she let out a small laugh._

"_Bed time?"_

_She nodded. "I think so. I'm just going to have a shower…and we should probably have a quick brush up on Sam and Holly. Today was easy, tomorrow, I'm not so sure."

* * *

_

"Ok…hear from you soon." Weiss placed his phone back into the receiver and looked up to see Nadia approaching his desk. "That was Vaughn,"

"Oh," Nadia perched herself on the edge of his desk. "How are they doing?"

"Nothing on the Basra's, but they are about to head off to their first group counselling session."

"Oh god," Nadia broke off into soft laughter. "Is it just me or is it slightly ridiculous that in order to stop a new threat Sydney and Vaughn have to endure therapy?"

Weiss shrugged. "Maybe…but could you imagine the fun that you could have with this assignment?"

Nadia raised an eyebrow. "Fun? At a marriage retreat?"

"Yeah. Fake fights are the best…a really good chance to show off your acting skills."

"Aw, is somebody a little disappointed they didn't get to sent to Perdita Place?"

"No…ok, maybe just a little."

Nadia shook her head as she stood up. "Has anybody ever told you that you are a little strange?"

"All the time, Nadia," Weiss replied. "All the time."

* * *

"Ok everybody. We have two new faces here today- Sam and Holly Robertson." The woman turned to Sydney and Vaughn. "I'm Rose and I run all the group sessions here at Perdita's. Now since it's your fist one, we'll just let you sit back and observe, let you get your bearings." 

Both Sydney and Vaughn nodded, leaning back into their seats. They were both more than grateful that they were not expected to participate. The more time to prepare their aliases, the better. It was a little unnerving, taking on personas that were expected to be so open. Holly and Sam existed only on paper- was it even possible for them to open themselves up in such an emotional way?

Sydney listened carefully to what the other couples were saying. She felt guilty that she was almost looking for inspiration for things that Holly could use. These people were trying desperately to salvage what they had, and to do that they were entrusting everybody in the room with their personal lives. And two of those people were there under false pretences.

'_False pretences, but a valid reason_,' Sydney told herself in an attempted to ebb her guilt. '_If they were aware of what was really happening her, they would not object to Holly and Sam_.'

She pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind when a couple, not all that older than she and Vaughn, started their turn. Shannon and Lucas. For some reason, Sydney was being completely drawn into what Shannon was saying.

"It still really hurts. I know that Lucas is truly sorry for what he did, but I can't let go of the fact that he did it." She paused. "I can't move past the fact that he cheated on me. It's like that his betrayal is always there, in the back of my mind."

'_I know what you mean_,' a small voice in the back of Sydney's mind said and she suddenly stiffened. What the hell was she thinking? Vaughn had never cheated on her. So why was she empathising with this woman?

'_Because you know what it's like to feel betrayed. Hurt by the one you believed loved you_.'

Sydney shifted in her seat and ran a hand through her hair, tyring to push the ludicrous thoughts aside. Vaughn looked at her, as if he were picking up on her uneasy vibes. His eyebrows rose ever so slightly, asking 'You ok?'

Sydney gave a short, tiny nod and then glanced around the room. It appeared that their exchange had not been noticed by anybody else and so she sat back, paying extra attention to what was being said. The more attention she paid, the less chance her mind would run away.

The last thing Sydney needed was to be distracted.

* * *

Sydney was quiet throughout lunch. Abnormally quiet, Vaughn couldn't help but note. As they finished up and headed out, he placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes," Sydney replied and Vaughn gave her a slightly dubious look. "I'm just kind of depressed after that session…it was horrible listening to those people."

Vaughn gave a short nod. "I know what you mean.

Sydney tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think I'm going to take a walk before martial arts."

"You want some company?"

"Thanks, but no," she said. "I don't think that Holly and Sam would be taking voluntary walks together at this point."

"I suppose you're right." Vaughn said. "I'll meet you in the class?"

Sydney nodded and them turned and walked away, heading towards the lake. There had always been something about water that calmed her, relaxed her. And that was exactly what she needed at this moment.

As she walked along the well-worn path, Sydney sensed another presence. Turning, she saw Clay coming up behind her.

"Hey Holly. What are you doing out here?"

"Just needed a bit of space."

He gave a knowing nod. "So, how are you and Sam settling in?"

"As well as can be expected," Sydney replied. "I guess that you could say we're both a little resentful that we're here. It's not exactly a place where a couple would _want_ to go."

Or a couple of CIA agents.

"I understand completely," Clay said, falling into step beside her. "But the fact that you are here is a good sign. It shows that you are willing to be proactive, that you just don't want to sit back and let things crumble."

"Hmm…so, how long have you worked here?" Sydney asked. She may as well probe for information every chance she got.

"Since the day it opened," Clay replied. "I've known the owners for a long time and I jumped at the chance to work with friends."

Sydney's ears pricked. Clay, friends with the Basra's? She would have never picked him to be part of the organization. He seemed so normal…but then, appearances are probably one of the most deceptive things around.

"Do the owners actually work here?" she asked carefully.

"When they get the chance. They have several businesses on the go. They try to address them equally."

'_Yeah, I'll bet_,' Sydney thought. '_I wonder. Just how does one split their time between a marriage retreat and running a crime ring?_'

Instead she just gave Clay a small smile. "Well, I have great respect for those who are willing to work so hard." She looked down, glancing at her watch. "I should probably go."

Clay nodded. "I'll see you around."

* * *

Sydney headed straight to the cabin so that she could contact Nadia back at APO. 

"Yup, that's Clay Asters…though I wouldn't count on it being his real name," she said, sitting down on one of the armchairs.

"Ok, I'm running the name through the database now," Nadia said on the other end of the line. "Did you want to go? Contact me later?"

"No, it's ok. I wanna wait and see if you get anything."

"Did you get a picture of this guy? That could really speed things up."

"No…" Sydney trailed off. "But hang on a sec." She leaned forward in her seat and pressed a few keys on the laptop in front of her on the coffee table. "I'm on Perdita's website now. There may be an image of him on there."

"Ok…so, how is the whole pretend marriage thing going?" Nadia asked.

"Alright," Sydney replied, slightly distracted as she started intently at the screen before her. "Hmm…there doesn't seem to be any sign of Clay on the site."

"Well, it makes sense. The Basra's wouldn't want to widely publicise any members of their organization," Nadia pointed out. "Which means-"

"That is we can identify the people used in the advertisements, we can effectively rule them out," Sydney finished and then let out a loud sigh. "I guess Vaughn and I have another scheduled activity for tomorrow."

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Sydney said. "Look, Nads, maybe I should go. Start going over this site with a fine tooth comb. We'll contact you tomorrow. See if anything has shown up on Clay."

"Ok, I'll speak to you then."

As Sydney scoured over the website, she soon lost track of time. It wasn't until the cabin door flew open that she looked at her watch and realized that a couple of hours had passed.

"Syd!" Vaughn sounded breathless. "I was worried!"

"About…oh god, the class. I completely forgot. I came here to call Nadia and then I got distracted…"

"Why'd you call Nadia?"

"Clay. He's in with the Basra's."

"Clay? That guy who welcomed us?"

"Yup," Sydney replied. "I couldn't believe it either."

"Have APO confirmed who he is?"

"No. Nadia is running his name now, but there is the slight problem of—"

"Clay not being his actual name," Vaughn finished. "We'll have to get a visual on him tomorrow…which should be interesting. This isn't exactly a place for cameras."

"I'll use my phone," Sydney suggested. "After all, Holly is the workaholic. A phone won't seem out of place on her."

"Don't mention her to Sam," Vaughn grumbled good-naturedly. "She is in trouble."

"Oh…so how was the martial arts?"

"That wasn't too bad. It was the being stood up by my wife that was humiliating." Vaughn replied. "And the instructor wouldn't let me leave. She kept going on about how alone time' was beneficial to our reconciliation."

"I'm sorry," Sydney said. "I promise, I won't do it again."

"You better not," he warned. "I'm not sure that that Holly and Sam's relationship could handle that. We're here to help them, remember?"


	4. Playing the Part

Thank you all so much for your feedback.

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**Chapter Four:  
Playing the Part**

Sydney scanned over the piece of paper before her. "Oh god," she groaned, rolling her eyes.

"What is it?" Vaughn asked, peering over her shoulder.

Sydney thrust the sheet at him. "We get to go on the bonding walk today," she said, her voice dripping with antipathy.

"While on your walk aim to learn five new things about your partner," Vaughn read aloud. "Are they serious?"

"Do you think that this place actually works for real couples?" Sydney asked. "Because these activities…"

Vaughn shrugged. "They obviously have some effect. The place is still open and people still pay to come here."

"Yeah, pay to get help by people who are trained by a criminal."

Vaughn just grinned. "What ever works, Syd."

* * *

The walk turned out to be perfectly timed. Having gone through Perdita's website extensively the previous day, Sydney and Vaughn were now able to start putting names to faces- as well as identifying those whose picture did not appear on the site. 

As well as complete their scheduled activity.

"So," Vaughn started lightly, "tell me something that I don't know about you."

Sydney gave him a look. "Why don't you just make something up?"

"Because I am curious. What don't I know about you?"

"It's not me you need to know about, it's Holly," Sydney retorted. "And since you know as much about her as me, I think that you can come up with something. That's what I'm doing with Sam."

Vaughn raised his eyebrows. "So what has Sam been hiding from Holly?"

"Well, for a start, he still yearns for his childhood teddy bear and he's recently signed up for a folk dancing class," Sydney replied, her face straight.

Vaughn paused for a second. "You wouldn't."

Sydney shrugged. "I might."

"But—"

"There's one," Sydney cut him off. "She's not on the site." Vaughn followed her gaze.

"Her name is Deanna…supposedly," he said and Sydney shot him a questioning look. "She was running the martial arts class," he explained.

"How skilled was she?" Sydney murmured as they passed her.

"I couldn't say. It was pretty basic stuff. Not exactly something that would show off her moves."

Sydney tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "We'll have to give her name to Nadia and Weiss."

"Speaking of which," Vaughn glanced at his watch. "We should call as soon as we're done. See if they've got anything on Clay…or whatever his name is."

* * *

"We've still got nothing on Clay," Weiss's voice came from Sydney's mobile, sitting on the coffee table in front of them, set on loudspeaker. "We really need a picture, so we can run it through our facial recognition database." 

"We're working on that," Sydney replied. "But Clay didn't make an appearance on the bonding walk."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "The what?"

"Don't ask," Vaughn said.

Weiss let out a snort of laughter. "Bonding walk? What sort of a place is that joint? Don't tell me that you have to sit around in circles and chant mantras as well?"

"I'd rather that than group therapy," Sydney said. "Or couples therapy," she added, referring to the session that she and Vaughn were having that afternoon.

"And don't even think about jumping in with some smart comment," Vaughn said quickly.

"Wasn't going to."

"Yeah, right," Sydney said. "Do you have anything else for us?"

"Actually I do. You two are going to get some company down there."

Sydney and Vaughn glanced at each other. "Who?" he asked.

"Heard along that grapevine that Perdita's was hiring a new counsellor, and as it turns out our mate Outrigger is extremely experienced in that field."

"He got the job?"

"Yup. Should be arriving very soon."

Sydney could not help but feel conflicted. She was relieved that she and Vaughn would no have some back up, that they were no longer in this increasingly risky situation on their own.

But on the other hand, their aliases. Their pretending to be married and that marriage supposedly being in trouble, for some reason she did not want anybody she knew to have a chance to observe that. This mission, there was something almost personal about it, and she didn't need the extra stress of worrying what a third party might think about what was going on.

"Anyway," Weiss was saying, "I should probably go."

"Yeah," Vaughn said. "We'll contact you soon."

As a click from the other end was heard, Sydney reached across and shut her phone.

"That's good news," Vaughn said. "Having Dixon here, that's a bonus."

"Hmm," Sydney glanced at her watch. "We should go. Our session starts in five minutes."

* * *

Vaughn shifted in his seat, averting his gaze from Sydney. Not just to keep up the pretence of Holly and Sam. But because he could not bring himself to do so. He had felt uncomfortable as soon as he and Sydney had entered the room. The last time he had been in a situation such as this, it had been with Lauren, after he discovered… 

"So," the counsellor, who had introduced herself as Gabby, said. She was actually legit, her photo had appeared on the website numerous times. "I heard that you missed your martial arts session yesterday, Holly."

"Uh," Sydney shifted in her seat. "Yeah, I did."

"Do you mind telling myself and Sam why?"

"Um, I had a phone call that I needed to make. For work."

"I assume that this phone call was important."

"Fairly," Sydney paused. "Am I in trouble for skipping the class?"

"No," Gabby said. "You are here voluntarily and whether you attend the scheduled activities is your decision. What I am interested in is what drove you to the decision you made."

"It was just a call that I had to make," Sydney said. "My work is important."

Gabby gave a small nod and then looked at Vaughn. "What about you, Sam?"

Vaughn blinked. "What about me?"

"How do you feel about Holly missing the session?"

Vaughn glanced at Sydney quickly, her expression reading 'Go for it.' He drew in a deep breath. "Well, it's nothing new. Holly's work has always come first."

"That is not true," Sydney broke in loudly.

"Holly," Gabby spoke up. "Let's give Sam a chance to speak." She turned to Vaughn. "Please continue."

"She had always worked hard. In fact that was one of the things that attracted me to her- how dedicated she was to her job. But as time passed Holly started spending more and more hours in the office. I barely get to see her these days. When it comes to Holly, it's all about her job."

"As opposed to it all being about you," Sydney muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Vaughn demanded.

Gabby looked at Sydney. "Holly?"

Sydney sighed. "My life may rotate around my job, but our marriage revolves around him and what _he_ wants."

"Holly, I—"

"No! You decide what colour to paint the kitchen, what restaurant we go to…ugh!" Sydney shook her head. It was like she was really was Holly. "It sounds so petty…all those little things."

"What about the big things?" Gabby probed.

Sydney took a few seconds, running a hand through her hair. "He lied to me," she whispered.

"About what?" Vaughn asked, taking his cue perfectly.

"About having a child," Sydney shot back. "Before we got married, you told me that you wanted kids, but now…you refuse to even talk about it."

"I just don't think that now is a good time to start a new family," Vaughn said.

"You've been saying that for years," Sydney shot back bitterly.

"Well, maybe if you stopped spending so much time at the office, I would change my mind."

"You lied to me!" Sydney cut in, her voice low. "You betrayed—"

She cut off suddenly. Those words, they were no longer coming from Holly's mouth, they were coming from hers. She closed her eyes briefly. Why was she doing this? She and Vaughn were moving past everything that had happened, weren't they?

"Ok," Gabby's gentle voice broke into Sydney's thoughts. "I think that we should call it a day."

"Already?" Vaughn asked sounding surprised.

Gabby nodded. "I don't want to completely drain you emotionally in your first session. But keep in mind what was said. Your words, they are the stepping stones to your progress."

As the two of them stepped outside, Sydney inhaled deeply, thankful for the crisp and fresh air.

"Well, I think that we did pretty well in there," Vaughn said, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Convincing enough."

Sydney nodded. It had certainly been convincing…too convincing perhaps. Her emotions, her words…they had all been just a little to real for her liking.


	5. A Time and Place for Everything

Thank you all so much for your feedback. I love to see how you are all receiving the fic.

**RoutineRiot: **No, Dixon will not be conducting Syd and Vaughn's therapy session. I thought that they were uncomfortable enough without that added factor!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Five:  
A Time and Place for Everything**

_"You lied to me!" Sydney cut in, her voice low. "You betrayed—"_

_She cut off suddenly. Those words, they were no longer coming from Holly's mouth, they were coming from hers. She closed her eyes briefly. Why was she doing this? She and Vaughn were moving past everything that had happened, weren't they?_

"_Ok," Gabby's gentle voice broke into Sydney's thoughts. "I think that we should call it a day."_

"_Already?" Vaughn asked sounding surprised._

_Gabby nodded. "I don't want to completely drain you emotionally in your first session. But keep in mind what was said. Your words, they are the stepping stones to your progress."_

_As the two of them stepped outside, Sydney inhaled deeply, thankful for the crisp and fresh air._

"_Well, I think that we did pretty well in there," Vaughn said, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Convincing enough."_

_Sydney nodded. It had certainly been convincing…too convincing perhaps. Her emotions, her words…they had all bee just a little to real for her liking.

* * *

_

Vaughn stepped out of the bathroom and saw Sydney holding a white envelope. "What have we got on today?"

"We've got separate activities this morning," Sydney said. "You're going on a hike and I've got a pottery class." She paused. "And then we've got another group session this afternoon."

"Joy," Vaughn pulled a face. "You do realize that we'll be expected to participate today?"

Sydney nodded. "Let's do lunch in here. We can run through what we can say. Be a little more prepared than yesterday's session."

Something flickered across Vaughn's face and Sydney suspected that he had been just as uncomfortable as her.

But the look disappeared almost as soon as it appeared. "Well," he looked down at his watch. "We should probably get going. Pottery and hiking awaits."

* * *

"Holly, right?" 

Sydney looked at the person who had just sat down beside her and smiled. "Yeah. Shannon?"

She nodded. "Yup," she said looking at the clay in front of them and rolling her eyes. "Can you believe the stuff that they make us do?"

Sydney gave a small laugh. "I know. It makes you wonder how exactly it is supposed to work."

"Hmm," Shannon sighed, pulling a hair tie off her wrist and gathering her hair into a ponytail. "I think the counselling helps, but the other stuff…" she trailed off, obviously uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed.

"So Shannon," Sydney jumped in, "what do you do when you're in the real world?"

Shannon shot her a small, grateful smile. "I'm in advertising. You?"

"I work for a bank," Sydney replied. She hadn't been all that impressed when she read what Holly's profession would be. It was like Sloane was giving her a message, telling her that he was back in charge.

"Do you have any kids?"

Sydney shook her head. "You?"

"Yeah, a girl. Hannah." Shannon paused, her expression dark. "I hated leaving her with my parents. She thinks that we're on a business trip." She shook her head and turned to Sydney. "Sorry."

"Hey, that's ok," Sydney said gently.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"How long have you and Sam been together?"

"Over three years," Sydney replied. "Says a lot for us, doesn't it. That we are here after such a short amount of time."

"At least you're here and not just giving up."

"Well, giving up has never been an option for us," Sydney said quietly. '_Or at least, for me_,' she thought and then had to stop herself from blanching. Why did she keep thinking things like this?

'_It has to be this place_,' she told herself. '_And Holly. The two of them combined are doing your head in_.'

That had to be it, right?

* * *

When Vaughn got back to the cabin, Sydney was already there, with the laptop opened in front of her. 

"What are you doing?"

"I managed to get a shot of Clay, as well as a few others, on my mobile," she replied. "I'm sending them into APO."

"Oh," Vaughn sat down beside her. "Dixon's here."

Sydney looked up. "Really?"

He nodded. "I ran into him on the way here. He arrived this morning and has already been hard at work. Managed to get a tap into the phone line in the administration building."

"Nice going, Dixon," Sydney said softly as she shut the laptop.

"Not Dixon anymore," Vaughn pointed out. "He's going by Christopher here."

Sydney gave a small smile. "I'll keep that in mind." She stood up and went to pack up the laptop.

"Syd."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking about this afternoon. I think we need something extra."

"What do you mean?"

"I think that we need to go for the cliché." Vaughn said. "One of needs to have had an affair."

Sydney blinked. "You think?"

He nodded. "Look at most of the couples here. One or both parties have been unfaithful. It'll help us fit in. We don't want to stand out."

"Ok then," Sydney said slowly. "Which one of us?"

With a cheeky grin, Vaughn pulled a coin out of his back pocket. "Heads, it's you, tails it's me."

* * *

"Ok," Rose leant back into her seat. "Holly, I want you to express why you think Sam and you are here." 

Sydney drew in a deep breath. "The typical reasons. We've stopped communicating, there's a lack of trust…"

"Why is there a lack of trust?"

"Because he lies. About having children, about the way that he feels about me…"

"Why do you think he lies about his feelings?"

"Because if he truly loved me he would have never gone off with another woman."

Vaughn sighed loudly beside her and Rose turned towards him. "Sam?"

"I have never lied about my feelings towards Holly. The other woman, she meant nothing."

'_Really?_' Sydney thought and it was only when Vaughn's eyes whipped around her face that she realized that she has actually said them out loud.

"Pardon?" Vaughn asked.

"Uh," Sydney cleared her throat, thinking frantically. "I just don't see how she meant nothing to you. After all, you ma-formed a relationship with her."

Vaughn's eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes, I did. And I now regret that decision more than anything."

Sydney crossed her arms. "That doesn't change the fact that you made that decision."

"Is a person not allowed to make mistakes?"

"She was not a mistake, she was a _betrayal_," Sydney spat out. Once again, it was no longer Holly speaking and she sensed that Vaughn was picking up on this.

"Holly," he said quietly. "I know that nothing that I can say can change what happened, but you should know that the last thing I would ever want to do was hurt you."

Sydney did not respond, she couldn't. If she continued, she knew that she would say something she would regret. There was no way that she and Vaughn would be able to go about this mission professionally if she started airing her dirty laundry.

After all, there was a time and place for everything.

"Holly?" Rose probed gently. "Do you want to respond?"

Sydney shook her head, ignoring the confusion in Vaughn's slightly furrowed brow.

"Ok then, let's move on to someone else," Rose said, understandingly. "Tim and Kirsten?"

Sydney let out a deep breath. They were off the hook.

* * *

After they got out of the session, Vaughn waited until they were out of everybody's earshot and grabbed Sydney's arm. There was a real gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach. He could have sworn that Sydney had been talking about them, not Holly and Sam. 

"Syd," he whispered. "Are you ok?"

"Yes," she replied, extremely quickly.

"Sydney…"

"What?"

"It's just that, back there, it sounded like…"

Sydney stopped in her steps. "It was nothing. I'm just getting a little too involved with Holly. A bit of method acting." She forced a smile, trying to appear that everything was ok.

"Are you sure…" he trailed off when Sydney's eyes widened and she let out a small cough. "What?"

"It would seem that our illustrious retreat leaders have arrived."

"Karl and Eva are here?" Vaughn asked, his voice low.

Sydney nodded. "They just walked into admin."

Vaughn glanced over his shoulder. "So what do you reckon? Good or bad thing?"

"I've no idea," she replied. "But we should probably notify APO. Come on, let's go."

As Vaughn fell into step beside her, Sydney's reaction in the counselling session was running through her mind. Their conversation may have been cut short, but it was far from over in his mind.

It seemed that, like him, Sydney was harbouring some issues of her own.


	6. Hurt, FearDestruction

Thank you all so much for your feedback.

**Fair Cate: **This fic is set early on in season four, so Sydney and Vaughn were just starting to rebuild their relationship as they were sent on this mission.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Six:  
Hurt, Fear…Destruction **

"_Syd," he whispered. "Are you ok?"_

"_Yes," she replied, extremely quickly._

"_Sydney…"_

"_What?"_

"_It's just that, back there, it sounded like…"_

_Sydney stopped in her steps. "It was nothing. I'm just getting a little too involved with Holly. A bit of method acting." She forced a smile, trying to appear that everything was ok._

"_Are you sure…" he trailed off when Sydney's eyes widened and she let out a small cough. "What?"_

"_It would seem that our illustrious retreat leaders have arrived."_

"_Karl and Eva are here?" Vaughn asked, his voice low._

_Sydney nodded. "They just walked into admin."_

_Vaughn glanced over his shoulder. "So what do you reckon? Good or bad thing?"_

"_I've no idea," she replied. "But we should probably notify APO. Come on, let's go."_

_As Vaughn fell into step beside her, Sydney's reaction in the counselling session was running through her mind. Their conversation may have been cut short, but it was far from over in his mind._

_It seemed that, like him, Sydney was harbouring some issues of her own.

* * *

_

Sydney lifted her mug of coffee to her mouth as she subtly scanned the dining hall around her. Ever since seeing the Basra's the day before, she ane Vaughn had been on high alert. There seemed to be a feeling in the air that something was going down.

"Interesting," she said, her voice low.

"What?" Vaughn asked.

"Look around. Look who's here."

Vaughn did so and then turned back to Sydney, his eyebrows slightly piqued. "We seem to be lacking a few familiar faces this morning."

Sydney gave a short nod. Faces of those who they had assumed to be part of the Basra's organization. "I don't know about you…" she trailed off as somebody placed themselves next to Vaughn.

"Is it ok if I sit here?" Dixon asked.

Sydney nodded. "Sure…Christopher, right?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm Holly and that's Sam," Sydney smiled, feeling slightly ridiculous.

Dixon gave a quick glance over his shoulder before continuing. "Heard something interesting on the phone this morning."

"Really?" Vaughn asked casually, as the three of them went about their breakfast, looking as if they were discussing the weather.

"Uh huh," Dixon took a mouthful of coffee. "Seems that a big exchange is about to take place. A lot of big toys for a considerable amount of money."

"Any specifics?" Sydney inquired.

Dixon shook his head. "It was just a short call, confirming that it was going to take place. No location, amounts or merchandise type."

"Did you call home about it?" Sydney asked.

"Yes. They're expecting you to call back this afternoon, after they've had some time to strategize."

"Great," Sydney said and Vaughn instantly picked up on her tone. If they didn't need to contact APO, they had no excuse for getting out of their session with Gabby. And after group yesterday, he had the feeling that the one on one would be even worse.

* * *

'_You care about Vaughn and he cares about you_,' Sydney repeated in her head over and over, as they waited for Gabby to arrive. '_You are just taking this mission and your alias too seriously. So just stop whatever it is you've been doing and focus on the job at hand_.' 

Vaughn glanced at Sydney out of the corner of his eye. She had changed somewhat since their arrival at Perdita's. Something in her eyes had dimmed. The way she looked at him. It was like…

It was because of him, this change. He knew it. And it tore him to pieces. He didn't want to be the one hurting her anymore.

"Ok," Gabby burst into the room. "Sorry I'm late. The staff is a bit down on their numbers this morning. More work for the rest of us." she sat down and smiled at Sydney and Vaughn. The smile, for some reason, made them both feel uncomfortable. "Now, I heard that things got a little interesting between the two of you in group yesterday."

Neither Sydney nor Vaughn replied and so Gabby glanced down at the notes in front of her. "You described Sam's actions as a betrayal, is that right Holly?"

Sydney gave a short nod.

"That's not the first time that you have used that word," Gabby said. "You used it here the other day."

Sydney shrugged. "So?" She hated feeling like this. She kept trying to repeat Holly's name in her mind. This was Holly, not her, Holly, not her.

"So, betrayal is an extremely strong word. I'm just curious as to why you continue to use it, in two different contexts."

'_Only I wasn't using it in different contexts_,' Sydney thought and then caught sight of Gabby's expectant face. "I don't know why I used it."

"Ok then," Gabby leaned back into her seat. "Rose told me that you clamped up yesterday. Why?"

Again, Sydney shrugged.

Gabby was beginning to look a little frustrated as she glanced back down at her notes. "It was after Sam said that he never wanted to hurt you. So again, why did you clamp up?"

Before Sydney had the chance to respond, Vaughn spoke up.

"Be honest, Holly."

Sydney met his eyes and in a second realized that Vaughn was not playing a part. It was all him.

Sydney stared at him for a few seconds. "What?"

"Be honest," he said quietly, but firmly. "Because if it doesn't come out now, it never will. And it needs to come out."

Tearing her gaze from Vaughn, Sydney turned to Gabby. "Whether he meant to or not, he hurt me. A lot."

Gabby nodded. "Go on."

Sydney drew in a deep breath. "The af…it happened when we were actually on a…a break." She glanced at Vaughn and he gave a short nod. "And it ripped me to shreds. I feel like I have no right to feel that way, because we weren't technically together, but I do. It devastated me that he could just toss me aside like that. Disregard what we had so soon, for a woman who was…awful."

"I thought that we were dead," Vaughn said, emphasising his last word. "I've told you that again and again. Had I known any different…"

"I know that," Sydney whispered, "but that doesn't lessen the hurt. I thought that I had moved past it. I thought that I could be with you without thinking about what happened…but…"

"But what?" Gabby probed.

"But I'm scared."

"Scared about what?"

"I'm scared that…" Sydney looked at Vaughn. "I'm scared that you are going to hurt me again. The way you did with Lauren."

There. She had done it. She saw Vaughn's expression visibly darken at the sound of her name.

"Sam," Gabby spoke up. "How do you feel about what Holly just said?"

"It rips me apart, that I can make her feel that way. I never realized that I was capable of such destruction."

"Destruction to whom?" Gabby asked perceptively. "To Holly…or yourself?"

"Both…I did a terrible thing and I can't forgive myself for it. And that haunts me every day. But obviously I was too caught up in my own world to realize the effect that my decisions had on Holly." He paused, taking a breath. "I don't want to do that to her."

Sydney took in what Vaughn was saying. Why had they two of them bottled all of this up? She had always been able to talk to Vaughn. Always.

But the previous year…three years. It had changed them. Changed everything. Sydney had been clinging to the hope that it would make them stronger. Bring them closer.

But maybe it was having the opposite effect…

Unable to take it anymore, Sydney stood up abruptly and walked out of the room.

Vaughn watched, his heart in his throat, fighting the urge to chase after her. He knew Sydney that well. Smothering was not going to help- especially in this situation.

"Give her some space," Gabby said, echoing his thoughts. "And then go after her. And I'll see you back here in two days."

* * *

About an hour later Vaughn found Sydney in the cabin. 

"You're here. Good." Her voice sounded oddly detached. "There was a message from Nadia. We need to call APO."

He nodded mutely and sat beside her as she dialled and then set the mobile on speakerphone.

"Hey guys," Nadia's voice came clearly across the line.

"Yeah, hey," Weiss chimed in.

"What's going on?" Sydney asked. "I just got your message."

"We've identified your little friends Clay and Deanna and are working on a few others," Nadia said.

"Who are they?" Vaughn pressed.

"Clay is actually Dante Valise. A pretty petty crim. Picked up for a few car thefts in his teens, a few possessions. Nothing major," Weiss said.

"And Deanna?"

"Pia Larrey," Nadia replied. "Again, had been into nothing major before joining with the Basra's."

"It seems to be the Basra's MO," Weiss broke in. "recruit the not so notorious crims and train them. Lessens the attention if they associate with criminal nobodies."

"What about the phone call that was intercepted?" Sydney asked. "Anymore information?"

"Not as such. And with such little intel, there is only so much that we can strategize."

"So basically, we're at stalemate." Sydney said.

"Yup," Nadia said. "Don't expect to be coming home anytime soon."

"And on that note, what's the weather like there?" Weiss asked.

Vaughn glanced at Sydney before asking, "Why?"

"Just curious."

"Weiss, what—"

"Look, we've got to go. We'll email you all the info we have on the Basra's cronies and you two just keep doing whatever you've been doing and keep us posted."

Sydney sighed as a click signalled that Weiss and Nadia had hung up. Like they wanted to be posted on what was really going on.

"Why was he asking about the weather?" Vaughn asked

Sydney shrugged, stood up and headed to the bathroom. She really wished that it was night, so that she could have climbed into bed and avoided the world. But as the sun was still shining she'd have to settle for a bath.

Anything that would get her alone and away from everything…and everyone.


	7. Fitting In

Thank you all so much for your feedback.

**RoutineRiot: **Unfortunately Irina won't be in this fic. I love her as well, but she just didn't fit in with the plot

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------****Chapter Seven:  
Fitting In**

"_We've identified your little friends Clay and Deanna and are working on a few others," Nadia said. _

"_Who are they?" Vaughn pressed._

"_Clay is actually Dante Valise. A pretty petty crim. Picked up for a few car thefts in his teens, a few possessions. Nothing major," Weiss said._

"_And Deanna?"_

"_Pia Larrey," Nadia replied. "Again, had been into nothing major before joining with the Basra's."_

"_It seems to be the Basra's MO," Weiss broke in. "recruit the not so notorious crims and train them. Lessens the attention if they associate with criminal nobodies."_

"_What about the phone call that was intercepted?" Sydney asked. "Anymore information?"_

"_Not as such. And with such little intel, there is only so much that we can strategize."_

"_So basically, we're at stalemate." Sydney said._

"_Yup," Nadia said. "Don't expect to be coming home anytime soon."_

"_And on that note, what's the weather like there?" Weiss asked._

_Vaughn glanced at Sydney before asking, "Why?"_

"_Just curious."_

"_Weiss, what—"_

"_Look, we've got to go. We'll email you all the info we have on the Basra's cronies and you two just keep doing whatever you've been doing and keep us posted."_

_Sydney sighed as a click signalled that Weiss and Nadia had hung up. Like they wanted to be posted on what was really going on._

"_Why was he asking about the weather?" Vaughn asked_

_Sydney shrugged, stood up and headed to the bathroom. She really wished that it was night, so that she could have climbed into bed and avoided the world. But as the sun was still shining she'd have to settle for a bath._

_Anything that would get her alone and away from everything…and everyone.

* * *

_

"Syd, where are you going?"

Sydney stopped, about to open the door to the cabin and turned to look at Vaughn. "For a run. A long one," she added, almost as an afterthought.

Vaughn's brow furrowed, as he glanced at his watch. "But Holly and Sam are due in group."

"I'm not going," she replied bluntly. "I'm going for a run. I want to check out behind the administration building."

"But—"

"No, I am not going. Not today."

"Why?" Vaughn asked, even though he was more than well aware of what Sydney's answer would be.

"Because, you know as well as I do, those 'sessions' are no longer about Holly and Sam. This mission is getting way too personal and we cannot afford to let ourselves get distracted. So, how about we just take a step back, create some breathing space and concentrate on the job at hand?"

"Ok," Vaughn cleared his throat. "While you're gone, I'll call APO, see if they have anything."

Sydney nodded. "I should be about an hour," she said, before stepping out the door.

* * *

After running along the designated path for a short while, Sydney veered off to the left, heading in the direction of the blocked off track behind the admin building. If she was spotted, her cover was an easy one. She had simply lost her way on her run. 

It wasn't long before she found herself on the path. There was no sign of any structure in her view ahead, but Sydney had expected that it would be a long run before she came about anything.

She knew that she could not afford to be distracted, and so far for the first time in days she cleared her mind of everything, keeping her senses alert to any sound that could indicate any sort of danger to herself.

As she ran, Sydney noticed that the trees had started to thin out. It was almost as if she were heading towards a clearing of some sort. If there was anything of significance on this track she was obviously nearing it. Not long until—

"Holly?"

Sydney stopped in her tracks, breathing deeply. It was Clay, or Dante, and he was looking less than impressed to see her in this part of the retreat.

"Hi Clay."

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, his voice taking on a slightly sharp edge.

"I'm going for a run," Sydney replied.

"You shouldn't be out here."

"I know that I am supposed to be in group, but I really needed some space. A chance to clear my head," Sydney said.

"That's not what I mean, Holly. Guests at Perdita's are not permitted on this trail. It's for staff only. The sign behind the admin building clearly states that."

Sydney shot him a blank look. "But I'm on the normal path…" she trailed off, looking around their surroundings. "I mean, I was…I must have…" he voice faltered as she brought tears to her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." She brought her hand to her forehead. "I've been so distracted lately, with being here and…"

Clay's expression softened and Sydney felt a jolt of triumph. She was putting in one of the performances of her life.

"It's ok, I understand," he said. "But next time, just be a little more careful."

Sydney nodded, wiping her eyes. "Oh god," she sighed. "I've been all over the place lately."

"Come on," Clay gestured towards the direction of the retreat. "I'll walk you back. You look as if you need the company." He glanced at his watch. "That is, if you don't mind walking quickly. I've got a new couple to greet."

'_Actually, I do mind, because I want to head in the opposite direction of your stupid retreat_,' Sydney thought, but instead just said, "It's fine," and fell into step beside him.

* * *

Vaughn was stepping out of the cabin as Sydney approached. "I couldn't get hold of Weiss or Nadia," he said, as she came near. 

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I was just about to have a look around for Dixon. See if he's got anything new."

"I'll come too," Sydney said, waiting a second for Vaughn to reach her and then turning on her heel. "So, did you speak to anybody at APO?"

Vaughn shook his head. "Your dad and Sloane were tied up with something and I didn't want to hassle anyone else. It was exactly an urgent call. I figured we could try again this afternoon."

Sydney nodded. "I wonder…" she cut off, spotting something up ahead. "Oh my god."

"What?" Vaughn followed her gaze and suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Is that who I think it is?"

Sydney nodded mutely. Up ahead Clay was leading a new couple towards the cabins. A couple who looked to be in a snippy argument. A couple arguing _loudly_. A couple who both Sydney and Vaughn were extremely familiar with.

Weiss and Nadia.

They passed, with Weiss shooting Sydney and Vaughn the slightest of winks and soon disappeared into a cabin.

Sydney's eyes flew to Vaughn. "Did you know about this?"

Vaughn shook his head. "I had no idea…why didn't they tell us they were coming?"

Sydney shrugged, tyring to keep the fact that she was less than impressed that Weiss and Nadia were there. They would be able to tell in a second that something was up between the two of them.

After a few moments, Sydney took a step. "I'm going back to the cabin. I need a shower."

"Ok," Vaughn said. "I'm gonna have a wander, still see if I can find Dixon."

And with a short nod from both, the two of went in their separate directions.

* * *

It was lunchtime when Sydney and Vaughn got a chance to see Weiss and Nadia. They were a bit hard to miss- plonking themselves at the same table. 

"Hi," Weiss announced. "I'm Tom."

"And I'm Anita," Nadia added.

Sydney stared at them. "Hi," she deadpanned.

"Sorry, we didn't warn you," Weiss whispered, leaning in slightly. "But this all came about so quickly."

"Why are you here?" Vaughn asked.

"It was decided that the extra hands here, the better," Nadia said. "Things seem to have gone really quiet, like something big is about to happen."

"Sloane and Jack wanted you to have as much back up as possible." Weiss added. "And so that meant welcome to Tom and Anita Houston."

A small smile crossed Nadia's face. "You two must be having so much fun with your cover."

Sydney and Vaughn glanced at each other quickly. "Uh, yeah," he muttered.

"We got here in time to join one of those group sessions," Weiss said. "It was awesome. We staged a fight. Nads called me a pig…"

"He told me I was an uptight prude," Nadia sighed. "You know, I think I am really going to enjoy this alias."

"Hey," Weiss's eyes lit up. "Wanna have another blue?"

Nadia suddenly inhaled sharply, looking aghast. "How dare you!" she spat, standing up abruptly.

"What, like you never thought about it," Weiss shot back, following suit.

"Ugh! You- you infuriate me, Thomas!"

"Yeah, well at least I got some life about me," Weiss yelled, turning on his heel and stalking towards the door.

"Don't you walk away from me," Nadia demanded, chasing after him.

"I'll do whatever the hell I want…" Weiss's voice faded as he walked out the door.

"Well," Sydney said faintly. "They certainly are having fun."

"Yeah…" Vaughn agreed, unable to meet her eyes. "You don't think that they might be having too much? Think about the attention they are bringing onto themselves."

Sydney shook her head. "No, it's perfect. They are so over the top that people will avoid them. Nobody here wants to be associated with that type of energy."

"I suppose," Vaughn murmured.

"They are going to fit right in," Sydney said. '_Almost as much as us_,' she thought as their eyes met, and it was obvious to her that he was thinking the same thing.


	8. Forever Lost?

Thank you all for your feedback.

**RoutineRiot: **Romance? Who knows, but I will tell you that I'll be milking the angst for just a little bit longer...

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**Chapter Eight:  
Forever Lost?**

_A small smile crossed Nadia's face. "You two must be having so much fun with your cover."_

_Sydney and Vaughn glanced at each other quickly. "Uh, yeah," he muttered._

"_We got here in time to join one of those group sessions," Weiss said. "It was awesome. We staged a fight. Nads called me a pig…"_

"_He told me I was an uptight prude," Nadia sighed. "You know, I think I am really going to enjoy this alias."_

"_Hey," Weiss's eyes lit up. "Wanna have another blue?"_

_Nadia suddenly inhaled sharply, looking aghast. "How dare you!" she spat, standing up abruptly._

"_What, like you never thought about it," Weiss shot back, following suit._

"_Ugh! You- you infuriate me, Thomas!"_

"_Yeah, well at least I got some life about me," Weiss yelled, turning on his heel and stalking towards the door._

"_Don't you walk away from me," Nadia demanded, chasing after him._

"_I'll do whatever the hell I want…" Weiss's voice faded as he walked out the door._

"_Well," Sydney said faintly. "They certainly are having fun."_

"_Yeah…" Vaughn agreed, unable to meet her eyes. "You don't think that they might be having too much? Think about the attention they are bringing onto themselves."_

_Sydney shook her head. "No, it's perfect. They are so over the top that people will avoid them. Nobody here wants to be associated with that type of energy."_

"_I suppose," Vaughn murmured._

"_They are going to fit right in," Sydney said. '_Almost as much as us_,' she thought as their eyes met, and it was obvious to her that he was thinking the same thing.

* * *

_

Sydney skipped dinner than night, instead heading down towards the lake and settling herself on the water's edge. The water looked so pristine and she wished that everything in her life could be as clear at that.

Why did nothing ever run smoothly and easily? Why was there always something lurking around the corner, waiting to throw a spanner in the works of her life?

"Hey," a voice said, coming up behind her. Sydney turned and saw Nadia approaching.

"How'd you find me?"

Nadia shrugged. "Vaughn was a little worried when you disappeared. He and Eric are looking around the retreat. I scored this area."

"Oh," Sydney turned her eyes back out to the water. "You should get back and let them know that I'm ok then."

"Already done," Nadia said, holding up her phone as she sat down. "I just messaged Eric. And besides, I'm not going anywhere. You look as if you need to talk." her voice was gentle but firm.

"Nadia, I don't need to talk about anything."

"Then why are you walking around this place looking as if you have lost your best friend?"

"All part of the alias," Sydney replied lightly.

"I think it's more than that," Nadia started. "Now, I am not claiming to be an expert on you, after all we haven't known each other all that long. But what I do know is that the two of us are pretty intuitive and I am picking up on some really depressing vibes here."

Sydney looked up. "Really?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.

"Yes, really," Nadia affirmed. "Now can you please tell me what is up before I have to beat it out of you," she said, trying to illicit a smile out of her dejected sister.

But instead of smiling, Sydney buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. It took all of a split second for Nadia to realize that she was crying.

* * *

"Martial arts?" Weiss read out dubiously and then let out a short laugh. "Are they serious? At this place? Does that make any…well, the owners are kinds into murder, so I guess that it does make sense." 

"Hm," Vaughn sighed, raising his coffee mug to his lips. After receiving Nadia's message that she had found Sydney, Weiss had insisted that they have dinner. Apparently it was impossible for him to work on an empty stomach.

Weiss's eyes narrowed slightly as he scrutinized his friend. "Ok, spill. What is up?"

Vaughn glanced around the dining hall. "Who are you asking? Sam?"

"I'm asking _you_. And before you say that here is not a good place to talk, just listen. There are that many conversations going on that nobody is going to hear us."

"I wasn't going to say that," Vaughn retorted. "I have nothing to spill."

"Yeah right. It took all of three seconds for me to see that you and Syd look as if you've spent the past few days at a funeral."

"We've spent the last few days pretending to be a married couple of the verge of collapse. Forgive us if we don't look happy."

"Nup. Not going to fall for that."

"There's nothing to fall for."

"That is bull," Weiss replied in a singsong voice.

"No, its not."

"Yes, it is."

"No."

"There is something on your mind, just plaguing you. Just waiting to get out."

"No, there isn't," Vaughn was growing more and more frustrated.

"Yes, there is."

"Weiss!"

"Vaughn, spill."

"There is nothing—"

"Just let it out."

"Fine!" Vaughn finally exploded. "You want to know what is on my mind? My wife betrayed me, but everybody knows that story. What they don't know about is how I dreamed about and planned to kill her. And then I did it. I shot her and killed her."

"Vaughn, you did that to save Sydney."

"I would have done it anyway. It wasn't like shooting an enemy in the field. I _wanted_ to do it. I dreamt about it. Planned it. No matter how awful she was, I shot a person in cold blood and now I am trying to figure out how to live with that fact." Vaughn paused, raking a hand through his hair. "I love Sydney more than anybody on this planet. I always have. But now there is this part of me that is bitter and twisted. A part that is dragging me down, not allowing me to move on. And I feel…and I feel like that part of me is hurting Sydney too. I've already hurt her enough. I can't hurt do that anymore. She deserves more than that."

Weiss let out a low whistle. "Wow. When you spill, you certainly spill."

Vaughn frowned. "Weiss…"

"You're right, you're right," he held up his hands. "Does Syd know about this?"

"No and I don't want to bring it up here. We can't afford to be distracted. There is too much work to do."

"Vaughn, look at yourself. You need to get this off your chest. You are already distracted. And," Weiss added, "you owe it to Sydney to fess."

Vaughn did not reply. He could not deny that Weiss was right.

* * *

"Oh Sydney," Nadia wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know that it's hard to believe, but Vaughn did not betray you. It sounds awful, but he buried you." 

"I know that," Sydney wiped furiously at her eyes. "But it still hurts. I wish it didn't, so, so much, but it does." She drew in a shaky breath. "When we decided to start again, I thought that it would go away and for the most part I did. But some of it is still there and now it's combined with fear."

"Fear?"

"I'm scared, Nadia. I'm scared that if I open up completely again, Vaughn might hurt me again. Deep down I know that he never would intentionally…but I just can't push it aside."

"Have you told Vaughn this?" Nadia pressed gently.

"Sort of. I said it in one of the counselling sessions, as Holly. But I never told him to his face."

"I think you need to Syd."

Sydney shook her head. "I don't know if I can…and that is what scares me more than anything."

"Why?"

"Before…before those two years, I could talk to Vaughn about anything. But now I feel like I can't. Things have changed Nadia. What if Vaughn and I are not able to get back to what we lost?"

"I can't answer that and you can't answer it alone, either. You need to speak with Vaughn."

* * *

When Sydney returned to the cabin she found that Vaughn was already there, sitting on the couch, his expression deadly serious. 

Sydney remained standing. "Weiss?"

He nodded. "Nadia?"

"Yeah…do you think that they co-ordinated it?"

Vaughn shrugged. "Probably…so, I guess we should talk."

"Yes, we should." Sydney made no move to sit down.

Vaughn could only shake his head. "Sydney, I am so sorry."

"For…" her voice faltered. "What are you sorry for?"

He looked up at her. "What you said in the session with Gabby, you meant that, didn't you? You meant everything that you said."

"Parts of it," Sydney admitted. "I don't think that you betrayed me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And I can't ignore the fear that you might hurt me again."

Vaughn closed his eyes. "I'm already hurting you. I can see that."

Confusion crossed Sydney's face. "What are you talking about?"

Without meeting her gaze Vaughn reiterated everything that he had said to Weiss.

"You are not dragging me down, Vaughn. My issues are my own," she said quietly. She was still standing by the door.

"But I will, eventually."

"Vaughn," Sydney started. "Why couldn't you speak to me about this before now."

"I don't know."

"Because you couldn't," Sydney answered, her tone matter-of-fact. "Just like I couldn't talk to you…why can't we talk anymore, Vaughn?"

Vaughn shook his head miserably. "I don't know, Syd. I want to…but…"

"Maybe- maybe we are fooling ourselves, Vaughn. Thinking that we can do this again after everything that has happened."

Vaughn's brow furrowed slightly. "What are you saying?"

Sydney drew in a deep breath. "To be honest, I don't know, I don't know much about anything at the moment."

Vaughn looked up. "I guess that makes two of us."


	9. Far From Over

Thank you all so much for your feedback.

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**Chapter Nine:  
Far From Over**

_Vaughn could only shake his head. "Sydney, I am so sorry."_

"_For…" her voice faltered. "What are you sorry for?"_

_He looked up at her. "What you said in the session with Gabby, you meant that, didn't you? You meant everything that you said."_

"_Parts of it," Sydney admitted. "I don't think that you betrayed me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And I can't ignore the fear that you might hurt me again."_

_Vaughn closed his eyes. "I'm already hurting you. I can see that."_

_Confusion crossed Sydney's face. "What are you talking about?"_

_Without meeting her gaze Vaughn reiterated everything that he had said to Weiss._

"_You are not dragging me down, Vaughn. My issues are my own," she said quietly. She was still standing by the door._

"_But I will, eventually."_

"_Vaughn," Sydney started. "Why couldn't you speak to me about this before now."_

"_I don't know."_

"_Because you couldn't," Sydney answered, her tone matter-of-fact. "Just like I couldn't talk to you…why can't we talk anymore, Vaughn?"_

_Vaughn shook his head miserably. "I don't know, Syd. I want to…but…"_

"_Maybe- maybe we are fooling ourselves, Vaughn, thinking that we can do this again after everything that has happened."_

_Vaughn's brow furrowed slightly. "What are you saying?"_

_Sydney drew in a deep breath. "To be honest, I don't know, I don't know much about anything at the moment."_

_Vaughn looked up. "I guess that makes two of us."

* * *

_

Vaughn spent the night on the couch. Not because Sydney asked him to, but because the both of them felt the need for space. And some hope for clarity after a night's sleep.

Not that either of them slept a wink.

A shower in the morning did little to make Sydney feel any better. When she stepped out of them bathroom she saw Vaughn standing by the door, the ever familiar white envelope in his hands.

"We're supposed to have a session with Gabby this morning," Vaughn said quietly.

"Oh," Sydney said, picking a hair tie up off the bedside table and gathering her hair into a ponytail.

"We, uh, we should probably go. We missed everything yesterday. If we do that again, we're going to be drawing attention to ourselves."

"Fine, whatever," Sydney said. "I'm going for breakfast. I'll meet you afterwards."

* * *

"Come on," Weiss urged. "I'm hungry." 

"Eric," Nadia looked up. "There are some things a little more important that you stomach. Like national security." She turned back to the laptop in front of her and opened up an email. "It's from Dixon…intercepted more phones calls…but still no concrete intel on when the meet may be taking place."

Weiss sat down beside her. "Where is this thing supposed to go down? Do you think that they would actually use the retreat?"

"This place is in the middle of nowhere. Think of the acres surrounding it. It could be happening now and we would have no idea."

"We need to find the guy who talked."

"Or the woman," Nadia interjected with a smile.

Weiss rolled his eyes. "Apologies, Ms Politically Correct."

Nadia let out a soft laugh. "You are right, though. But how are we supposed to find somebody who has so far remained completely anonymous?"

A sly grin crossed Weiss's face. "With a full stomach?"

"Ugh!" Nadia pushed him lightly and then stood up. "Come on. Let's go get you fed."

* * *

"Ok," Gabby said as she sat down opposite Sydney and Vaughn. "I've decided that we are going to take a different approach today, because in my opinion, the two of you are different." 

Sydney and Vaughn remained silent for a few seconds until she spoke up. "How do you mean?"

Gabby took her time answering, placing down her notepad and crossing her legs. "In my time here, I found myself advising most couples I counsel to separate. By the time that they get here, it's usually too late. There's not all that much that can be done. But, with you two, I do not feel like that is the case. Yes, you have hit hard times and yes, there are problems- _real _problems. I am in no way denying that. But your problems, I feel that they can be resolved." She paused. "You are different, because unlike the majority of couples here, you are far from over."

A heavy silence descended upon the room as Sydney and Vaughn tried to digest everything that Gabby had just said.

"So, for today I don't want us to focus on the bad times. There is too much of that around this place- everybody trying to resolve the bad and forgetting abut everything else. I want for us to focus on some of the good times that the two of you have experienced."

Both Sydney and Vaughn remained silent. Neither of them wanted to do that. To talk about the time before those two years was only going to hurt, and emphasise the position they were in now.

"You two are not getting out of this," Gabby said, her tone friendly but firm. "Holly, apart from your wedding, what do you feel was one of the happiest moments in your and Sam's relationship?"

Sydney paused. "Just one?"

Gabby nodded. "For now, just one."

"Um," she drew in a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think I would have to say our first date…it ended not so good- we were, uh, interrupted, but before that, I was happy. Very happy…" she trailed off, avoiding Vaughn's gaze.

"Hmm," Gabby said. "And Sam? You?"

Vaughn let out a sigh. "There was…when she gave me a drawer at her place. It told me that we were heading to a state of permanency and nothing made me happier than that."

Gabby leaned back in her sea, a pensive expression on her face. "Interesting."

"What is?" Vaughn asked.

"Every other time I have posed that question, everybody has answered that, second to their wedding, the time that they got engaged was one of their happiest times."

Sydney and Vaughn did not reply. How were they supposed to think of that as an answer when they had never experienced it for themselves?

"So, I'm interested," Gabby said. "How did Sam propose?"

"Uh…" Sydney thought frantically. "He…took me to…"

"Santa Barbara, actually," Vaughn spoke up and for the first time that session their eyes met. After a second Vaughn turned back to Gabby. "I had this whole romantic weekend planned. Presidential Suite at the Biltmore, candlelit dinner on the cliffs overlooking the ocean…so, we went to town and she wouldn't stop talking about the zoo. So, we went to the zoo. Figured I'd get it over with."

Sydney's heart skipped a beat as he turned and faced her. The way he was telling this story, it was if it were real. As if it had really happened…as if he had planned it to happen.

"And then I saw how happy it made her. It made me forget about all my stupid plans. And here we had this personal chef making this unbelievable meal at the hotel and…" he paused. "I proposed on one knee in saw dust in front of a giraffe with a crooked neck."

Sydney went to speak but found that she could not. Instead Gabby spoke up.

"Interesting. A proposal in front of a giraffe," she said with a small smile. "You need to take these memories with you. Don't avoid your problems, either, but you need to remember the good if you are going to resolve them."

* * *

Not a word was exchanged between Sydney and Vaughn until they made it back to their cabin. Sydney stepped in and then turned to face Vaughn as he shut the door. She opened her mouth to speak, but then clamped it shut. 

"Syd?" Vaughn's voice was almost inaudible.

"I…" she ran hand through her hair. "Whatever is going on at the moment…I don't want it to be the end."

"That's the last thing I want as well."

With a sigh, Sydney sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm not foolish enough to think that we could go back to how we were before. I disappeared…but that doesn't mean that…"

"That we can't have something just as good?"

Sydney gave a short nod. "But yesterday, that terrified me. If we are going to make this work then we are going to have to be open with each other."

Vaughn took another step forward. "You really think we can do this? After everything?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Do you?"

"Of course I do!" Vaughn crossed the room and sat down beside her. "And the way I see it is, we do things 100 better when we do them together. In the field and out."

"I know that," Sydney replied quietly and then suddenly let out a snort of laughter.

"What?" Vaughn asked, looking slightly surprised.

"I was just thinking about writing our mission report. At the rate we're going I can just imagine…Agent Vaughn and I did not manage to gather any new intel on the Basra's, but we did remember the good time to help us resolve our relationship issues."

A ghost of a smile crossed Vaughn's face."Who's reaction would be more classic? Sloane's...or your dad's?"

"You know what," Sydney shrugged. "I think that one would be too close to call."

* * *

A few hours later Sydney's eyes flew open as a loud banging started on the door. After a few disorientated seconds she realized that she was starched out on the bed, Vaughn beside her. Both of them must have dozed off, obviously exhausted after a night with no sleep.

"What…" Vaughn mumbled as he sat up.

"It's probably Weiss," Sydney said, heading over to the door. She opened it and suddenly stepped back. "Clay?" she asked, as he walked right in and shut the door behind him.

"What are doing here?" Vaughn demanded, standing up from the bed.

"I know who you really are," Clay replied, his voice low.

Sydney's stomach rolled. "Excuse me?"

"I said, I know who you really are," Clay repeated, and it was then that Sydney spotted the gun nestled in the waistband of his pants.

* * *

**A/N: **Only two more chapters to go... 


	10. Taken Down

Thank you all so much for your feedback.

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter Ten:  
Taken Down**

_A few hours later Sydney's eyes flew open as a loud banging started on the door. After a few disorientated seconds she realized that she was stretched out on the bed, Vaughn beside her. Both of them must have dozed off, obviously exhausted after a night with no sleep._

"_What…" Vaughn mumbled as he sat up._

"_It's probably Weiss," Sydney said, heading over to the door. She opened it and suddenly stepped back. "Clay?" she asked, as he walked right in and shut the door behind him._

"_What are doing here?" Vaughn demanded, standing up from the bed._

"_I know who you really are," Clay replied, his voice low._

_Sydney's stomach rolled. "Excuse me?"_

"_I said, I know who you really are," Clay repeated, and it was then that Sydney spotted the gun nestled in the waistband of his pants._

Sydney took a step back. She and Vaughn had their own weapons, of course, but they were not exactly within arms reach at the moment.

"Clay," she started calmly and innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that," Clay said. "We don't have time to play games."

"We're not playing games," Vaughn said. "You are the one who is saying cryptic things."

"You want less cryptic? Ok then I am the reason that you are here," Clay said, his expression deadly straight. "I am the one who spilled his guts on the Basra's. The one who is signing his own death warrant by coming to you now."

Sydney looked at Vaughn and she knew that he was thinking the same thing as her. Was this a trap or was Clay telling them the truth?

And if it was the latter then why was he revealing himself now?

"What makes you think that we're here because of you?" Sydney asked, keeping her expression neutral.

"I could tell from day one that you weren't like the other couples here," Clay said. "And I know that after what I told, somebody would be sent. That's the whole reason I did it. I wanted to see the Basra's go down." His face was a picture of fury and both Sydney and Vaughn got the feeling that he was telling the truth.

"Clay—"

"Don't call me," he cut Sydney off. "My name is Dante. I know you are already aware of that."

"Ok then…Dante," Sydney continued. "Why do you want to see the Basra's dismantled?"

"Because what they do makes me sick. I regret the day that I ever got involved with them…my father was part of their organization. By the time that I found out what I had gotten into, I couldn't get away. Because I knew that they would do."

"And yet you still talked," Vaughn put in. "Why?"

Dante looked directly at him. "My fianceé. They didn't believe that she was working up to their standards and so they killed her. There was no way that I was going to sit back after that."

Sydney took a step towards him. "So why are you here now? You've remained completely anonymous, totally safe. Why are you blowing your cover?"

"Have you heard anything about an arms deal?" Dante asked.

"Yes," Sydney replied. "But we have no details on when and where."

"I can give you those," Dante said. "It's going down tonight."

* * *

It took all of five minutes for Sydney and Vaughn to get Weiss, Nadia and Dixon into their cabin, and then to contact Sloane and Jack at APO. 

"What exactly have you got?" Sloane asked, his voice coming clear over the speakerphone.

Sydney glanced at Dante, who was seated nearby. "The Basra's are meeting with a group known as the Left Fist, at 0100 hours. The exact details of the merchandise being traded is unclear, however we assume them to be fire arms, as well as possible explosives."

"Do you know what this group is planning to do with the arms?" Jack asked.

"No," Dante replied. "But they are terrorists. It could be absolutely anything"

"Ok then, we have a tactical team heading to your location," Sloane said. "You are to rendezvous with them before moving in. I am authorizing any force necessary in order to stop this exchange, however Langley has put in a request that the Basra's be brought in alive. Without them we will have come out of this task with nothing."

"What about the members of the Left Fist?" Vaughn inquired.

"Secondary concern, your primary targets are the Basra's."

"What about Valise?" Sydney asked.

"Use him in any way you can then bring him back. We'll offer him any protection needed."

Sydney glanced at Dante and saw him briefly close his eyes with relief.

"Be careful," Sloane said. "I expect to see you all back in L.A tomorrow."

* * *

Sydney tensed as she heard the sound of an approaching Jeep. Beside her she felt Nadia do the same thing. The two of them, along with Vaughn, Weiss, Dixon and Dante were spread out, crouched in the bushes, waiting for their back up. 

The sound of the Jeep stopped and up ahead a light flashed. "It's them," Sydney said, standing up and the rest followed suite.

"Phoenix?" one of the agents asked and Sydney nodded.

"Yup." She glanced behind him, her eyes spotting a total of three vehicles. "Is this everybody?"

"Uh huh. So why don't you lay out exactly what needs to be done."

Dante stepped forward. "There's an old cabin about 2 k's down. That's where the actual exchange will be happening. However, the guards will be sporadically placed, surrounding the building, and they will be instructed to fire at anything that moves."

"We need to time this perfectly," Dixon spoke up. "We will circle the area that surrounds the cabin and close in, taking the guards as we go."

"We want to approach the cabin quietly," Vaughn said. "There is no assumption that we can apprehend the Basra's without any gunfire, but we want as little as possible."

"Storming the cabin will only increase the chances of the Basra's being taken out permanently," Sydney added. "You got all that?"

The agent nodded. "Sounds pretty straight forward."

"We can only hope," Vaughn breathed and Sydney could not agree any more.

"Ok," Weiss glanced down at his watch. "There's half an hour until this thing goes down. We should move into positions."

* * *

Sydney slowed her steps, her eyes trained on the darkness ahead. Glancing a couple feet to her right, she motioned to Dixon and he nodded. It appeared to be clear- only fifteen metres or so until they reached the cabin. 

So far the two of them had encountered three guards. The Basra's, even given the secluded surroundings of the meet, were obviously paranoid. Though the exact number of guards around the area would not be known until the entire team debriefed afterwards. Radio silence had been ordered to enhance safety.

As she and Dixon approached the cabin, Sydney began to notice the other members of the team moving through the shadows. She let out a silent sigh of relief as she spotted Vaughn.

Checking her watch, Sydney nodded at Dixon. It was time.

Their entry point was a doorway. Dixon jimmied the lock and then covered Sydney as she made her entrance. As predicted, there were plenty pf guards within the structure, however the approaching APO and CIA members had the element of surprise.

Unfortunately that did not last for long. The guards were taken out as fast as possible, as they needed to reach the Basra's before any suspicion was raised. But as Sydney, Dixon and several other agents made their way to the centre of the cabin, the plan that had been laid out before suddenly went askew.

"Everybody freeze!"

Sydney whipped around, her eyes wide. "Who…"

"It's one of us," he hissed.

"Great." She stiffened as the sound of gunfire started. "We did stipulate we wanted a quiet approach, right?"

He nodded. "We need to get in there."

By the time they entered the room where the meet was, several of the agents were down, as well as the members of the Left Fist the Basra's were meeting with. The Basra's, however, were still standing and brandishing weapons of their own.

"Give it up Eva, Karl," Sydney said. "You are surrounded. You are not getting out of this."

"That's what you think," Eva snapped back.

Sydney glanced around the room, at the gathering agents. "Now!" she yelled. The agents pounced, grabbing the Basra's and disarming them.

Seeing Vaughn, Sydney walked over to him. "Who yelled out?"

"It was Abbott."

"Bloody fool," she muttered.

"Tell me about it," Vaughn murmured. With a small smile Sydney reached for her phone, so that she could contact APO and let them know that the mission had been successful, that they had the Basra's in their custody.

However, at that moment everything changed. Karl Basra, managing to break free of the agents for a second, reached for a gun, aimed it at Sydney and fired.

As if it were happening in slow motion, Sydney could only watch as Vaughn jumped in front of her, his hands grasping her shoulders.

For a few moments, as he looked into her eyes, Sydney thought that the shot had missed. That he was ok. But then he stiffened, his eyes widening slightly and slumped to the floor. It was then that she saw the flowing of blood from the wound in his back.

* * *

**A/N: **Only one more chapter to go... 


	11. Good, Bad and Downright Awful

Thank you all for your feedback.

**

* * *

Chapter Ten:  
Good, Bad and Downright Awful**

"_Give it up Eva, Karl," Sydney said. "You are surrounded. You are not getting out of this."_

"_That's what you think," Eva snapped back._

_Sydney glanced around the room, at the gathering agents. "Now!" she yelled. The agents pounced, grabbing the Basra's and disarming them._

_Seeing Vaughn, Sydney walked over to him. "Who yelled out?"_

"_It was Abbott."_

"_Bloody fool," she muttered. _

"_Tell me about it," Vaughn murmured. With a small smile Sydney reached for her phone, so that she could contact APO and let them know that the mission had been successful, that they had the Basra's in their custody._

_However, at that moment everything changed. Karl Basra, managing to break free of the agents for a second, reached for a gun, aimed it at Sydney and fired._

_As if it were happening in slow motion, Sydney could only watch as Vaughn jumped in front of her, his hands grasping her shoulders._

_For a few moments, as he looked into her eyes, Sydney thought that the shot had missed. That he was ok. But then he stiffened andslumped to the floor.It was then thatshe saw the flowing of blood from the wound in his back._

"Vaughn!" Sydney threw herself down by his side. "Vaughn!"

He made no response to her voice, or her touch as she shook him by the shoulders. His face was side on, his cheek pressing into the floor and all Sydney could see was his colour draining fast.

"Oh my god," she choked back a sob as she pressed her hands onto his wounds attempting to stop the flow of blood. "Vaughn please," she whispered again, but there appeared to be no sign of life about him. "Vaughn!" she repeated loudly, trying hard to focus on his face. She couldn't bear to look at her hands, which were now slick with his bright red blood.

"We need medical services now," Weiss voice in the background became audible to her ears. "We have an agent down. Urgent attention is needed."

Everything that happened after that seemed to meld into one big mess of occurrences in Sydney's mind. She remembered Weiss speaking to her, pulling her away from Vaughn so that the medics could do their job. She could see the Basra's being escorted away and she was pretty sure that Nadia had embraced her at one point. And blood. She couldn't get the image of his blood out of her mind.

However she was not able to tell the order in which they happened and any words that were spoken to her were now only a faint buzz.

The one thing she was sure of was her insistence at being allowed to ride in the helicopter that was transporting Vaughn to the nearest hospital.

There was not the slightest chance that Sydney was going to allow herself to be separated from Vaughn. She had done that enough in the past few days, and that regret was already staring to eat away at her. She didn't want to have to add to that.

* * *

"Congratulations team," Sloane addressed Weiss, Nadia and Dixon. "By the looks of it, the Basra's organization will not be able to function without its leaders. Your success at Perdita's was a huge blow. You should feel proud." 

However, the expressions on their faces were anything but. The tension was thick in the air, as everyone thoughts were on Vaughn's condition.

"Have you heard anything?" Weiss asked.

Sloane shook his head. "Vaughn is in surgery at the moment. We won't know anything until he comes out."

* * *

Sydney shifted in her seat, trying to find a position that did not feel as it were pulverising her spine. She probably needed a trip outside, a good dose of fresh air. But she couldn't leave. Not until Vaughn woke up. 

She had lost count of the hours that had passed since he had come out of surgery. The doctors were sounding positive, but she would not relax until Vaughn opened his eyes and could tell her for himself that he was fine.

"Sydney."

She started slightly, and then looked up at Jack who was holding out a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she said hoarsely, taking it from him.

"Maybe you should take a break," Jack suggested. "I can stay here."

Sydney shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Sydney."

"Dad."

"Fine," he pulled up a chair. "Then at least let me give you some company."

She gave him a small smile. "Do you think that maybe you could distract me?"

"Give me a try."

She paused for a few seconds. "What is going to happen to all the civilian employees at Perdita's?" she asked, her mind falling on Rose and Gabby in particular.

"They are under the impression that the Basra's have left, and taken some of the staff to create a new retreat. We thought it best to spare them from the truth."

"So it's still going to stay up and running?"

Jack nodded. "One of the counsellor's…I think her name is Gabby, she's taking over the reigns."

Sydney was pleased by this news. Gabby deserved the role. "And what about Valise?"

"He's being relocated as we speak. New country and new identity. He should be safe."

Sydney sighed and then sobered as her eyes fell upon Vaughn's figure in the bed. Life was moving on, but he was not.

"Sydney," Jack reached out a hand. "He is going to be alright."

"You didn't see him, dad. There was so much blood…so much..." she trailed off, drawing in a deep breath. "Are the Basra's co-operating?"

Jack did not question the change of subject. "Not exactly," he said. "But we have them. That is the main thing."

* * *

"Now, we didn't know what you were in the mood for, s we just went with Chinese," Weiss said, holding up a bag. 

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry," Sydney said, stifling a yawn with her hand. Even though that she had been in Vaughn's hospital room all day that was truth. The thought of food make her feel ill.

"Syd, you look exhausted," Nadia said as she sat down beside.

Sydney shot her a wry look. "Now there's a boost."

"So," Weiss spoke up. "What do you feel like? Fried rice? Beef and black bean? Singapore noodles?"

"Seriously Weiss, I'm not hungry," Sydney said. "And besides, even if I was I wouldn't be able to bring myself to eat."

"Syd," Weiss's voice was gentle. "I know that your worried, but you really need to eat something."

"Eric." Nadia's voice was low.

"What?" he asked.

"Back off a bit."

"But I'm not on her."

"Eric!" Nadia slapped him good-naturedly. "You are acting like a father."

"I am not acting like a father."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Then why are you trying to force food down her throat?"

"I am not forcing anything. I am simply looking out for my friend."

A small smile crossed Nadia' face. "I know but…" she trailed off as she caught sight of Sydney, who had fallen asleep in her chair. "Eric."

He sighed. "She should be at home, in her own bed," he said, heading to the small cupboard and grabbing a spare blanket.

"Like that is going to happen," Nadia replied, taking it from him and spreading it over Sydney. "Until Vaughn wakes up…"

Weiss gave a short nod, the mention of Vaughn's name dousing him with a cold sense of reality. It tore him apart to see his best friend lain up in bed, tubes attached and unconscious.

Nadia, seeing his expression, took a step forward. "And Sydney is not the only one consumed by worry, is she?"

Weiss tried to give a nonchalant shrug, but failed miserably. "I keep telling myself that he is going to be fine, but there is just that tiny little voice in the back of my mind telling me the complete opposite."

"Don't you just hate those voices?" Nadia asked. "They have the ability to cause more damage than any physical injury, don't they?"

Weiss shot her a small smile. She got it completely. "Yeah."

"Come on," she gestured towards the door. "Let's get you home."

* * *

About an hour or so later Sydney opened her eyes, a deep ache in her neck. Groaning softly, she brought a hand up, attempting to massage some relief, but it did little to help. 

Vaughn was still unconscious. If it were not for the tubes and beeping heart monitor, she could have almost convinced herself that he was just sleeping peacefully. That he could wake up whenever he felt like and everything would be ok.

'_But even if he did wake up everything would not be ok_,' a nasty little voice in her head piped up and Sydney had to fight back tears. The voice, she knew, was right.

However, that knowledge just increased her desperation to have Vaughn conscious. He had to pull through this so that they could pull through their own problems. Things between them could not end on the note that they had been on lately. They cared too much about one and another to have that happen.

* * *

Sydney was not sure how much time had passed before she fell asleep again. she hadn't even realised that she had done so. All she was aware of was that what had woken her up was a slight squeeze of her hand. 

Ignoring the pain in her neck and back, she abruptly stood, her eyes connecting with Vaughn's green ones.

"Oh my god," she whispered, placing a hand on his cheek. "Vaughn."

"Hey," he croaked out hoarsely.

"Hey yourself," she said, settling down on the edge of the bed. "You had us scared."

His expression suddenly turned blank. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

He shook his head. "The last thing I've got is all of us approaching the cabin."

"We had the Basra's apprehended," Sydney started, condensing the story a little. "Karl managed to break free. It was only a second, but that was all he needed…He got a gun and fired. At me. You…" she trailed off, giving him a small smile. "You jumped in front. The bullet hit you in the back."

"So we got them? The Basra's?"

Sydney nodded. "They're at APO now, being interrogated. Hopefully, their organization won't be able to continue without them, and that they provide us with some valuable intel."

"And…" he stopped, coughing a little. "And you're ok?"

"Yes…thanks to you," Sydney said quietly. "I can't believe that I was scared that you were going to hurt me. I should have known…"

"Hey," Vaughn reached out and clasped her hand. "I could have told you that, just as you could have told me that I wasn't affecting you with my own bitterness."

Sydney sighed. "Please don't call yourself that, Vaughn. if you label yourself with that word, you'll never shake it. I don't want for you to be bitter."

"When I'm with you I'm not."

Almost absentmindedly Sydney rubbed gentle circles on his hand with the pad of her thumb. "This whole taking it slow thing."

"Yeah."

"I think that we definitely need to keep going with that. To make sure that we have the time to talk and to ensure that we deal with the past year." She brought his hand up to her lips, placing a soft kiss on it. "Because there is no way I am willing to give up. No matter how difficult things get."

Vaughn smiled. "Now, how am I supposed to match that speech?"

Sydney let out a soft laugh. "Since you recently took a bullet for me, I think that you can be given a reprieve."

"Ah," he shifted in the bed, wincing slightly. "The whole actions speak louder than words belief."

Sydney nodded. "But that being said, don't you ever do anything like that again. Next time please use less extreme measures to show me how much you care. Like chocolate, or a foot massage."

"That's a pretty boring romantic side that you have there."

"I have plenty of excitement on the job. Forgive me if I want a boring home life."

"Well, I suppose you make a good point there."

A comfortable silence fell upon the two of them at that point. Neither had forgotten the issues raised in the past few days. In fact they were quite prevalent in their minds. But now there was the light at the end of the tunnel. The issues had been addressed, and between the two of them there was nothing that could stop them from working through each and every one of them.

But, for Sydney, along with the relief that came with the realization that they could work through it all, there was another thing on her mind. Something that had been sitting in the back of her mind since her and Vaughn's last session with Gabby. Sitting and waiting for the right time, when she could broach the subject.

"Vaughn," she started quietly.

"Yeah?"

"That story that you told at the last session with Gabby…" she trailed off almost unsure if she should continue. However, when Vaughn nodded, she felt a surge of confidence and went ahead. "We were supposed to go to Santa Barbara three years ago…and we never made it."

Vaughn shook his head, soberly. "Sam and Holly did," he replied, his tone loaded with meaning.

With a small smile, Sydney leant down and pressed her lips into his. She and Vaughn had experienced the good, the bad and the downright awful. But they were here, together and all the more stronger for it.

And, when they had finally reached that light at the end of the tunnel, they would make it to their own Santa Barbara.

As nobody else but Sydney and Vaughn.

**THE END.

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**

As always, I want to thank everyone who showed me support through this fic. Going by my usual standards this was short one, but hopefully it was just as sweet as the others. I really loved playing up on the whole married couple idea, and I hope that you enjoyed the end result. Once again, thank you. 


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